How to Shoplift

Weigh Your Options Carefully

The leaves on the trees slowly changed colors as August became September and summer became fall. School was back in session, and my brothers and I needed supplies like every school year. Ugh, another chore. Our usual shopping place, Target, sold quality school supplies at a discounted rate. Like all other middle-class parents, my mother couldn’t miss this savings opportunity.

The week before school started, my mom packed my brothers and me into the Honda mini-van with our school supply lists in hand. We parked as close to the entrance of the local Target as possible. Someone grabbed a shopping cart, and off we went, along with all the other back-to-schoolers, into the far corner of the store.

Pens, Pencils, Binders, Notebooks, and Backpacks were all on sale. My mom, from what I could tell, salivated upon seeing the sales discount. 20%, 30%, even 50% off! What a steal! We loaded the cart and methodically checked off the supplies from our lists. Veni, Vidi, Emi; We came, We saw, We bought.

As we walked closer to the checkout, I made a brief pit stop in the sports section of the store. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular—just killing time and testing how far I could push my mom’s patience. The sports aisle was an oasis of distraction: baseball bats lined neatly like soldiers, tennis rackets strung with precision, footballs sitting obediently on the shelf. And then I saw them.

At the far end of the aisle, gleaming under the fluorescent lights, sat a set of 15-pound weights. Without thinking, I picked them up and turned to face my family, their faces a mix of curiosity and angst.

A mischievous grin spread across my face. “Hey,” I said, holding the weights aloft like a victorious gladiator, “Is this shoplifting?”

Ba dum tss…